Australian Pastafarian Lobby

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Issues

Q: How do Pastafarians believe our world was created?

A: We believe the Flying Spaghetti Monster created the world much as it exists today, but for reasons unknown made it appear that the universe is billions of years old (instead of thousands) and that life evolved into its current state (rather than created in its current form).

Every time a researcher carries out an experiment that appears to confirm one of these “scientific theories” supporting an old earth and evolution we can be sure that the FSM is there, modifying the data with his Noodly Appendage. We don’t know why He does this but we believe He does, that is our Faith.

Q: What happens to us when we die?

A: Pastafarian heaven includes a beer volcano and a stripper factory. Pastafarian hell is similar, except that the beer is stale and the strippers have sexually transmitted diseases. It is the policy of the APL the only followers of the Flying Spaghetti Monster will receive the nice beer.

Q: How should Pastafarians dress?

A: A Pastafarian must always attempt to wear a spaghetti strainer on his head for his driver’s license photo, and at other times, dress like a pirate.

Q: What does the Flying Spaghetti Monster think of same sex marriage?
A: All should be welcome into the loving embrace of His Noodly Appendage – whether they be tomato sauce, or cheese sauce based. As long as you love pasta, He could not care less about the types of human beings you love.

Q: Is Global Warming real?

A: Yes. Global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of pirates since the 1800s. The growing pirate activities at the Gulf of Aden support this, as Somalia has the highest number of pirates and the lowest carbon emissions of any country.

PiratesVsTemp

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